I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
