I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
