He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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