I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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