i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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