You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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