Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
