at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
