I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
