we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish you could order shots online.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
