I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
