so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
