I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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