Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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