dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
