I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
