I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
