..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
