you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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