Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
