hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
