it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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