Christians are straight up FREAKS
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
