I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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