If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
