is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
