he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've changed since you got that strap on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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