I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
