He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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