over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
