i was born a porn star she said
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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