if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
