Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
