I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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