i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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