I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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