Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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