you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
whose parrot is this?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
