I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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