i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
