My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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