I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
