so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
