It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
