I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
