I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
