i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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