im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize