Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
