Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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