we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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