Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
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I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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