Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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