just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
