my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
