i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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