I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
