well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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