She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
