I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize