what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
