Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
