Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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