i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
