I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
