I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize