What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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