do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
