I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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