Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
